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Y. Ahmed, alias El Chinche, alias El Culito, etc., etc. for fifteen solid pages of dossier, first tangled with the law in NYC where he was traveling with a character known to the Brooklyn police as Blubber Wilson, who hustled his goof ball money shaking down fetishists in shoe stores. Has- san was charged some third degree extortion and con- spiracy to impersonate a police officer. He had learnt the shakeman's Number One rule: D.T.-- Ditch Tin -- which corresponds to the pilot's KFS -- Keep Flying Speed.... As The Vigilante puts it: "If you get a rumble, kid, ditch your piece of tin if you have to swal- low it." So they didn't bust him with a queer badge. Hassan testified against Wilson, who drew Pen Indef. (longest term possible under New York law for a mis- demeanor conviction. Nominally an indefinite sentence, it means three years in Riker's Island). Hassan's case was nolle prossed. "I'd have drawn a nickel," Hassan said, "if I hadn't met a decent cop." Hassan met a de- cent cop every time he took a fall. His dossier contains three pages of monikers indicating his proclivity for cooperating with the law, "playing ball" the cops call it. Others call it something else: Ab the Fuzz Lover, Finky Marv, The Crooning Hebe, Ali the Stool, Wrongo Sal, The Wailing Spic, The Sheeny Soprano, The Bronx Opera House, The Copper's Djinn, The Answering Serv- ice, The Squeaking Syrian, The Cooing Cocksucker, The Musical Fruit, The Wrong Ass Hole, The Fairy Fink, Leary the Nark, The Lilting Leprechaun... Grassy Gert. He opened a sex shop in Yokohama, pushed junk in Beirut, pimped in Panama. During World War II he shifted into high, took over a dairy in Holland and cut the butter with used axle grease, cornered the K.Y. market in North Africa, and finally hit the jackpot with slunks. He prospered and proliferated, Hooding the world with cut medicines and cheap counterfeit goods of every variety. Adulterated shark repellent, cut anti- biotics, condemned parachutes, stale anti-venom, in- active serums and vaccines, leaking lifeboats. Clem and Jody, two oldtime vaudeville hoofers, cope out as Russian agents whose sole function is to repre- sent the U.S. in an unpopular light. When arrested for sodomy in Indonesia, Clem said to the examining magistrate: "'Tain't as if it was being queer. After all they's only Gooks. |
