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... Shoot your way to freedom. "Christ?" sneers the vicious, fruity old Saint applying pancake from an alabaster bowl.... "That cheap ham! You think I'd demean myself to commit a miracle?... That one should have stood in carny.... "'Step right up, Marquesses and Marks, and bring the little Marks too. Good for young and old, man and beast.... The one and only legit Son of Man will cure a young boy's clap with one hand -- by contact alone, folks -- create marijuana with the other, whilst walking on water and squirting wine out his ass.... Now keep your distance, folks, you is subject to be irradiated by the sheer charge of this character.' "And I knew him when, dearie.... I recall we was doing an Impersonation Act -- very high class too -- in Sodom, and that is one cheap town.... Strictly from hunger... Well, this citizen, this fucking Philistine wandered in from Podunk Baal or some place, called me a fuckin fruit right on the floor. And I said to him: 'Three thousand years in show business and I always keep my nose clean. Besides I don't hafta take any shit off any uncircumcised cocksucker.'...Later he come to my dressing room and made an apology.... Turns out he is a big physician. And he was a lovely fellah, too.... "Buddha? A notorious metabolic junky... Makes his own you dig. In India, where they got no sense of time, The Man is often a month late.... 'Now let me see, is that the second or the third monsoon? I got like a meet in Ketchupore about more or less.' "And all them junkies sitting around in the lotus posture spitting on the ground and waiting on The Man. "So Buddha says: 'I don't hafta take this sound. I'll by God metabolize my own junk.' "'Man, you can't do that. The Revenooers will swarm all over you.' "'Over me they won't swarm. I gotta gimmick, see? I'm a fuckin Holy Man as of right now.' "'Jeez, boss, what an angle.' "'Now some citizens really wig when they make with the New Religion. These frantic individuals do not know how to come on. No class to them... Besides, they is subject to be lynched like who wants somebody hanging around being better'n other folks? "What you trying to do, Jack, give people a bad time?..." So we gotta play it cool, you dig, cool.... We got a take it or leave it proposition here, folks. We don't shove any- thing up your soul, unlike certain cheap characters who shall be nameless and are nowhere. Clear the cave for action. I'm gonna metabolize a speed ball and make with the Fire Sermon.' "Mohammed? Are you kidding? He was dreamed up by the Mecca Chamber of Commerce. An Egyptian ad man on the skids from the sauce write the continuity. " 'I'll have one more, Gus. Then, by Allah, I will go home and receive a Surah. |
