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Might do almost anything.... Turn a massacre into a sex orgy.... "Or a joke." "Precisely. Arty type... No principles..." AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE (opening a box of Lux): "Why don't it have an electric eye the box Hip open when it see me and hand itself to the Automat Handy Man he should put it inna water already.... The Handy Man is outa control since Thursday, he been getting physical with me and I didn't put it in his combination at all.... And the Garbage Disposal Unit snapping at me, and the nasty old Mixmaster keep trying to get up under my dress.... I got the most awful cold, and my intes- tines is all constipated.... I'm gonna put it in the Handy Man's combination he should administer me a high colonic awready." SALESMAN (he is something between an aggressive Latah and a timid Sender): "Recollect when I am travelling with K. E., hottest idea man in the gadget industry. "'Think of it!' he snaps. 'A cream seperator in your own kitchen!' " 'K. E., my brain reels at the thought.' " 'It's five, maybe ten, yes, maybe twenty years away. ...But it's coming.' "'I'll wait, K. E. No matter how long it is I'll wait. When the priority numbers are called up yonder I'll be there.' "It was K. E. put out the Octopus Kit for Massage Parlors, Barber Shops and Turkish Baths, with which you can administer a high colonic, an unethical mas- sage, a shampoo, whilst cutting the client's toenails and removing his blackheads. And the M.D.'s Can Do Kit for busy practitioners will take out your appendix, tuck in a hernia, pull a wisdom tooth, ectomize your piles and circumcise you. Well, K. E. is such an atomic sales- man if he runs out of Octopus Kits he is subject, by sheer charge, to sell an M.D. Can Do to a barber shop and some citizen wakes up with his piles cut out.... "'Jesus, Homer, what kinda creep joint you running here? I been gang fucked.' "'Well, landsake, Si, I was just aiming to administer our complimentary high colonic free and gratis on Thanksgiving Day. K. E. musta sold me the wrong kit again....' " Marz Hvsvrxa: "What a boy hasta put up with in this business. Gawd! The propositions I get you wouldn't believe it.... They wanta play Latah, they wanta merge with my protoplasm, they want a replica cutting, they wanta suck my orgones, they wanta take over my past experience and leave old memories that disgust me.... "I am fucking this citizen so I think, 'A straight John at last'; but he comes to a climax and turns himself into some kinda awful crab. |
