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S, and her down with a kidney stone big as the Hope Diamond. So I give her half a Vagamin and tell her, "You can't expect too much re- lief.... Shut up awready. I wanta enjoy my medica- tions. "Stole an opium suppository out of my grandmother's ass." The hypochondriac lassoes the passer-by and admin- isters a straitjacket and starts talking about his rotting septum: "An awful purulent discharge is subject to How out... just wait till you see it." He does a strip tease to operation scars, guiding the reluctant fingers of a victim. "Feel that suppurated swelling in my groin where I got the lymphogranu- lomas.... And now I want you to palpate my internal hemorrhoids." (The reference is to lymphogranuloma, "climactic i buboes." A virus venereal disease indigenous to Ethio- pia. "Not for nothing are we known as feelthy Ethi- opians," sneers an Ethiopian mercenary as he sodomizes Pharaoh, venomous as the King's cobra. Ancient Egyp- tian papyrus talk all the time about them feelthy Ethiopians. So it started in Addis Ababa like the Jersey Bounce, but these are modern times, One World. Now the cli- mactic buboes swell up in Shanghai and Esmeraldas, New Orleans and Helsinki, Seattle and Capetown. But the heart turns home and the disease shows a distinct predilection for Negroes, is in fact the whitehaired boy of white supremacists. But the Mau Mau voodoo men are said to be cooking up a real dilly of a VD for the white folks. Not that Caucasians are immune: five British sailors contracted the disease in Zanzibar. And in Dead Coon County, Arkansas ("Blackest Dirt, Whit- est People in the U.S.A.-- Nigger, Don't Let The Sun Set On You Here") the County Coroner come down with the buboes fore and aft. A vigilante committee of neighbors apologetically burned him to death in the Court House privy when his interesting condition came to light. "Now, Clem, just think of yourself as a cow with the aftosa." "Or a poltroon with the fowl pest." "Don't crowd too close, boys. His intestines is subject to explode in the fire." The disease in short arm hath a gimmick for going places unlike certain unfortunate viruses who are fated to languish unconsummate in the guts of a tick or a jungle mosquito, or the saliva of a dying jackal slobbering silver under the desert moon. |
