|
All three chase A. J. through the res- taurant with mangled inhuman screams of rage.... Tables overturn, vintage wines and matchless food crash to the floor.... Cries of "Lynch him!" ring through the air. An elderly gourmet with the insane bloodshot eyes of a mandril, is fashioning a hangman's knot with a red velvet curtain cord.... Seeing himself cornered and in imminent danger of dismemberment at least, A.J. plays his trump card.... He throws back his head and lets out a hog call; and a hundred famished hogs he had stationed nearby rush into the restaurant, slopping the haute cuisine. Like a great tree Robert falls to the fioor in a stroke where he is eaten by the hogs: "Poor bas- tards don't know enough to appreciate him," says A. J. Robert's brother Paul emerges from retirement in a local nut house and takes over the restaurant to dis- pense something he calls the "Transcendental Cuisine." ...Imperceptibly the quality of the food declines until he is serving literal garbage, the clients being too in- timidated by the reputation of Chex Robert to protest. Sample Menu: The Clear Camel Piss Soup with boiled Earth Worms The Filet of Sun-Ripened Sting Ray basted with Eau de Cologne and garnished with nettles The After-Birth Supreme de Boeuf, cooked in drained crank case oil, served with a piquant sauce of rotten egg yolks and crushed bed bugs The Limburger Cheese sugar cured in diabetic orine doused in Canned Heat Flamboyant.... So the clients are quietly dying of botulism.... Then A. J. returns with an entourage of Arab refugees from the Middle East. He takes one mouthful and screams: "Garbage God damn it. Cook this wise citizen in his own swill!" And so the legend of A. J. the laughable, lovable ec- centric grew and grew.... Fadeout to Venice.... Gondoliers singing and pathic cries swell up from San Marco and Harry's. Charming old Venetian anecdote about this bridge, it seems some Venetian sailors take a trip around the world and all turn into fruits they fuck the cabin boy already, so when they get back to Venice it is necessary women walk over this bridge with their lungs hanging out to arouse the desires of these dubious citizens. So get a battalion of shock troops up to San Marco on the double. "Girls, this is O.A.O., Operation All Out. If your tits won't stop them bring up your cunts and confound these faggots." "Oh Gertie it's true. It's all true. They've got a horrid gash instead of a thrilling thing. |
